So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
