im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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