Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
