So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
