Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
