Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
