Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
