Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
two words...techno handjob
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
