so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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