You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
