he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
