you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
