I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
