Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize