You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
