dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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