What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize