I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
