I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
