had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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