My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
