he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
