if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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