i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize