You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
