Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize