I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
