im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
