I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize