Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There r osticjed everywhere
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
