Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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