I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
