Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize