what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
