She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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