I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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