You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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