The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
