why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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