sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
