I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
