How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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