it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
