im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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