Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we're making bets on your personal life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
