Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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