Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
