i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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