Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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