I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
