Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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