We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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