I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
