There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
