I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
