You can't special order awesome
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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