Your tits are I can't wait for
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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