she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
