I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
