I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
