he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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