thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
