So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
