I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
